Dating Again: What, How, When?
Ok ya’ll, it’s time to get back out, there right? Like, you’re over the ex, the hardship, the drama, that chapter is closed, and you’re ready to begin dating? Well, at least you feel like you are. You are either really lonely, eager to have some companionship, all your friends are married (lol), or tired of staying at home alone. Either way, let’s dissect this thing and make sure we are doing it BETTERthis go round.
Let’s first define dating first: A form of romantic courtship typically between two individuals with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.
First and foremost, that definition is interesting; with words like “typically” and “assessing suitability of an intimate relationship”; this can’t be an accurate description of what our dating life should be. My definition is different, I see dating as a courtship between ONLY TWO individuals whose relationship is centered around God, with the end goal and purpose being that of marriage. Listen, let’s be frank here… If we aren’t aiming for marriage, then I don’t want you. With that being said, here’s a couple things to help make sure that you are ready to get back out there again.
- Forgive – This is so important. A lot of times we are still holding on to the hurt from our past or even experiencing PTSD from the bad times and the negativity from our pasts. FORGIVING is not just for the person that hurt you, but it’s for you. It’s for you to get back your peace, joy, future. It’s for you to be able to MOVE ON. In order to have healthy future relationships you can’t take all that baggage into your next HEALTHY relationship.
- Be sure you’re ready. How do you know if you’re really ready? You’ll know. You will know when you don’t continuously talk yourself out of moving forward, or when you run out of excuses on why you should go back, settle, or just be by yourself. The good thing about it is if you try it and you absolutely dislike dating, YOU CAN STOP! It’s a beautiful thing, you’ll know when you’re ready and if it is a false alarm and you discover you aren’t as ready as you thought… STOP!
- Avoid Negativity – Get all the negative thoughts out of your head.A few things that a lot of people tell themselves:
- There’s no one out there for me (no good ones)
- All people are the same
- I’m going to get hurt AGAIN
- No one believes in love
- I’m going to be single forever.
Hey, hey you! If you are going to do this thing, you have to go in FAITH and in CONFIDENCE that this time is different. Don’t give up on your happiness before you even reach a destination. Drop those negative thoughts and focus on the positives. It’s going to be the best experience of your life! It’s gonna be great for you this time!
- Be Patient – Don’t get it twisted, dating isn’t easy. Everyone isn’t going to be honest or sweet or what you want. But don’t get weary in well doing. This is your life, your happiness, your peace. Don’t be discouraged by the “wrong ones”. Know your decision to put you first may take time. Time is good. It allows you to see your worth, recognize your worth, own it, and not to rush your happiness. Don’t rush what will last forever. Remember we are dating with marriage in mind. We don’t need to waste time on what’s not for us, but we need to be patient and continue to prepare on what God has prepared for us.
- Raise Expectations – Now that you know your worth, DO NOT SETTLE.Rethink the heartbreak and the hardships you went through. DO NOT GO BACK TO THAT. Rethink your choices in your significant others, why you choose them, who you choose. This is important… Don’t choose the same (if thats not what you need and want), don’t negate the fact that YOU ARE BETTER. You are doing it BETTER this time, and this time WE WILL NOT SETTLE. RAISE the Bar and watch yourself Begin to Receive What You Expect. Expect Greatness.
- Enjoy Your Season – Enough said. Don’t rush it, don’t go backwards, don’t be negative. Enjoy your season and live your best life! Be smarter, wiser, and go in faith! Dating is for Marriage… Do it RIGHT this time! You Got this!